Do you get it?
After having completed all the rituals post my mother’s demise, we returned to Hyderabad. I was molding myself to co-exist with the void and the silence the incident had left. On one such gloomy day, I was sleeping on the sofa right under the fan, closer to the TV. I had no intention of doing any chore whatsoever. Totally consumed by my thoughts and then it struck me.
I started thinking about the people around me and a ballpark number of the days I am gonna spend with them physically for the rest of my life.
- I would die at 75. I have 48 years left
- No one around me is gonna die before me
I started with my Dad -
- Once I go back to the US, at least for the first year I would not return to India unless it is absolutely necessary. So, we have 47 years left.
- Later, if my Dad visits me for 6 months a year, we would have 23.5 years to spend. Which is such an extrapolation. In reality, the number would not even be closer to 4 years.
With my sisters(assuming they continue to live in Hyderabad) -
- With my father visiting me for 6 months in the US, I would not come to India unless needed.
- The chances of my sisters visiting me in the US are slim.
- If I visit India every 2 years for 3 weeks, spending 15 days with them, I would be spending close to 360 days with them. Really?
With my friends living in India -
- If I visit India every 2 years for 3 weeks, spending a day with a bunch, I would be spending close to 24 days with them.
With my friends living in the same city as I am -
- Assuming we all remain single
- If we spend an entire weekend every week, with a couple of 3 day trips in a year, I would be spending 14.6 years with them.
- Assuming we are married
- If we spend a day a week, I would be spending 7 years with them.
With my friends living in a different city -
- Assuming we all remain single.
- If we spend a couple of 3-day trips in a year, I would be spending 144 days with them.
- Assuming we are married
- If we spend 2 days a year, I would be spending 96 days with them.
With my wife -
- 47 years
These numbers are an extrapolation to a large degree. In reality, we can cut them short by at least half. So many things have to fall in place for me to achieve these numbers.
We take things for granted. Ironically, we have to spend most of our time with the things we take for granted. It is in human nature to value that is short lived. Until we realize our days are numbered, we would not appreciate what we have.
Considering my father’s age, I am lucky if I get to spend 4 years with him.
The numbers are mind boggling if I consider the time I actually get to spend with them -
Assuming 10 hours per day -
150 days with my sisters who are the closest semblance to my mother.
9 days with a friend who lives in India.
40 days with a friend who lives in a different city whom I can carry for the rest of my life.
Do your own math and realize this. Our days are numbered. Do not let that hatred ruin your life. Let them go. Embrace the time left.